Stream of Consciousness

Here be a general warning or disclaimer about this here blog and an explanation of its purpose and intended content. Darkfree.com will hopefully eventually be more organized and themed around a particular purpose. This portion of the site is intended for me, Phil, to start brainstorming and recording thoughts.

In truth, I started this blog yesterday because I have been really hungry to write. Since high school I sense a great need to record my thoughts near the time I experience them, or they are lost forever. The Holy Spirit has been bringing many interesting thoughts to me this year – directly, through reading His Word, and through friends, family and elders – and I do not wish to lose these profound, transforming thoughts.

In the end, this web site might not serve anyone else besides me. It may prove that all my most profound thoughts sound like gibberish to others. In reality, I often write about amazing emotional experiences. It is impossible to communicate what I’m feeling and the power of the truths being revealed to me. No, I’m not a prophet or seer. I claim no special knowledge or connection with God that is not also available to every other born again believer. In fact, I believe we all have these thoughts. I am simply trying to be faithful to what is given to me, giving glory to God by recording the good things He has done.

A few months ago I retired my former blog on esotropiart.com. Since then I was fortunate to find a good friend that I was writing to. For a time, my writings to this friend became my blog of sorts. I sensed I was writing too much burdensome subject matter to my friend and decided to take a break. Even though that decision was made only a week ago, I am already starving to write. Darkfree.com is an idea that spawned in my brain almost exactly a year ago, around the time my wife left and I returned to Ethnos – a gathering of believers that has been profoundly transforming in my life! Knowing of my wish to eventually resurrect my web presence in the form of this new web site, I decided on a whim yesterday to start this unannounced rebirth.

My thoughts on this blog will be very unpolished, in a stream of consciousness writing style. I will probably continue this blog as a section of the site where I hash out my ideas. When the ideas form patterns, or I wish to expound on them and do more research, I will probably reorganize some of the posts into what may end up being referred to as “articles” on the main darkfree site.

For now, I will probably include some of the same stuff I used to on esotropiart.com. Some posts will be a record of the spiritual journey I’m on – and that will be the focus of this web site. Even so, I will not limit myself to such serious exposition. If I feel like writing something lighthearted, or even nonsensical, I will probably do so. Other times I might write what resemble journal entries, telling of my activities of the day, so I have memories to look back on.

I will do my best not to betray any trusts or reveal any information that points to other people unless it is harmless or otherwise permissible from said people. I have always been transparent, though the Lord has shown me the value of such a way even more this last year, and I am trying to be faithful to it. There is a point at which certain exposure becomes fruitless, leaving oneself open for attack or ridicule. I will probably cross that line a few times here and there, but I have no desire to have such ridicule imposed on anyone else except myself. I wish not for ridicule, but I also wish to be dark free… free of secrets, free of things I hold back from being exposed to the Light of Jesus Christ. And I wish to share this journey, this exposure with those who might benefit from it. It might not all be pretty, but I’ll spare some of the more “objectionable” details. While this site might not be quite as “tame” or “family friendly” as esotropiart.com, I will try to retain that vein as best as I can without completely filtering out the power of the realities God is working in and through me.

Since God has been working crazily in me this past year, I’ll probably assess some of the content on esotropiart.com and move some of the posts over here or rewrite them in the form of more polished articles.

Alright, I’m sure I’ll be writing more about this later. Some of these ideas will probably make their way to a history or about page. I started a Google Doc about a year ago with pretty extensive notes and Scripture passages that will also likely make their way here in some form.

In the beginning…

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:1-5, ESV

That will definitely do for a beginning. I started with a title that is nothing unique in of itself. With very little original thought, I complete the phrase with the Scripture passage most commonly brought to mind (other than perhaps Genesis 1:1). Nothing special except that my heart soars when I realize that this very passage describes quite appropriately some of the key concepts soon to be expounded on this web site. I didn’t see this simple Scriptural connection coming, so it is all the more exciting to be surprised by the connection.

I would also like to make clear my desire to elevate both divinely authored Scripture, and more importantly the One who wrote it. Jesus Christ, my Brother and Son of the Almighty Father, is the Author. It is His very Spirit that has brought so much life, truth and light to His creation by the spoken and written Word. While my own words will never approach the effective power and holy perfection of His refined words, I will do my best to bring Him glory and honor and to submit myself to His sovereign authority.

Lord Jesus, my Love and my Salvation, make this web site something honoring to Yourself and to the glorious name of Your Father in heaven, who also dwells in our hearts by Your wonderful, comforting Spirit. Please speak Your truths through me, as much as a frail human being is capable of channeling without corruption. You have done mighty and gracious things in my life, things that bring me to my knees in tears. Communicate my story to others in a way that will show Your love to them. Make me humble and willing to serve others with love and patience. May my life be pleasing to You always.

Forgive me for my many sins and failures. Forget my sins, and remember Your redemption. Clothe me in the righteousness of Christ so I can approach You without fear and death. Thank You for the very great price You paid for me by Your death on the cross. Continue to form me into Your image. By a mystery that seems impossible, may others see You – not only working – but living in me. Do not permit Your enemies to triumph over the souls You have set apart for eternity, even my own. May we be victorious by the faith that you give us. When we lack anything good and have no strength to continue, press on through us. We wish not to be overcome by darkness, but by Light. Your love will always sustain us, and we desire to believe with every part of us that You alone are enough. We love You, Your ways, and Your name. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

So begins darkfree.